The Depths

I recently went to a training event. To be honest I was kind of dreading it. A strange place with no friends, and sessions that began at 8:00 and went to 5:00. I expected too much information, dryly presented, and coming back to the room afterwards exhausted and lonely. What I found was exactly the opposite. The presentations engaging, the dynamics such that I made friends. By the end of each day I was energized and would go out with new friends to share conversation and meals. But, the most surprising and impactful thing were the presenters. They were so committed to what they were doing. For them it was a calling that they had sacrificed for. They continued to improve as opposed to moving on to something else. They continued to care and work out of a place in the deepest depths of their being. What I found was that they had something I was missing.

I want that. I want to live out of that place, to have that fire in the belly. To live and move and have my being out of the deepest depths of who I am. I think most of us would like that, and yet I think most of us fail to do so. As I’ve sat with these thoughts many things have flashed through my mind. The first being, I wonder if there is that kind of depth to me. Most of what I live out of is so shallow and superficial, and I never even noticed it until I saw what I was missing in someone else. And, I don’t know how to manufacture it. You don’t just create a true depths of the being calling. You can’t suddenly add depths of layers to who you are. Then I began to realize that the deep penetrating things within me are the things I spend the most time trying to avoid. Or, I try to indirectly chip away at them through the shallow things. But, if you can keep it shallow enough, then you’re never really vulnerable. But, you also never truly live out of that place because you’re out of touch with it. I began to wonder why that is. I mean, I know part of it is that in going to the depths of your being is uncomfortable, you have to step into your deepest pains, your deepest disappointments, and your deepest fears.

The problem is, I don’t think we know how to do that. We live in a culture inundated by the superficial. We’re bombarded by advertisements and constantly told to solve deep problems with quick fixes - food, clothing, shopping, stuff, self-help, television, movies, entertainment, etc. And by and large the church doesn’t help. We’re so concerned about crappy things that don’t matter like cussing (the mere fact that I didn't use an expletive there says a lot). How can you get in touch with your deepest pain when you’re not allowed to convey it in a way that has the raw reality of what’s truly going on inside of you? When you’re not allowed to be dysfunctional enough to act out against your deepest pains. Instead we tell people to give whatever our problem is to God. Which can be a good thing when done well, when we’ve done the hard work of wrestling with it and with God about it, finally coming to a place where we can really let go of it. But, it can also be more avoidance, another way to deny what’s really going on inside of you. So, we dress up, put on our smiles, and give all of our problems to God or so we think. What we actually do is lay them down at the alter, then secretly leave the back door to the deepest part of our soul open for them to crawl back in without us even realizing. We secretly carry them around, avoiding the fact that they’re there because supposedly we gave them to God. And we go on, with our shallow and superficial lives wondering why we haven’t found that calling that enables us to live out of the depths of our being.

I think this is also the story of Jacob. Finally he confronts his biggest mistakes and deepest fears, and as he does so he wrestles with God and with man (himself). On the other side he finds a new identity and becomes a patriarch of the faith. Maybe living out of these depths is what Mother Teresa meant when she said you can do no great things, only small things with great love. But, small things done with great love change the world. My hope and prayer is to do this hard work and get in touch with the deepest parts of me. To find the fire in my belly, and fan the flames to where I hear the clear specific call of God on my life just as I have seen experienced in others. May that also be my prayer for you.

Lent = Long

First an update. Things are going well. I have been working at a local community outreach organization. It really feels like something special that God is involved in, so I'm excited about that. I'm loving getting to know the community better. It's needs, who's doing what to fulfill those needs, what needs that leaves unfilled, etc. I'm loving the schedule of keeping the kids a day, working a day. I'm getting to work with some old friends and I'm getting to make some new ones, so I'm really enjoying it. Last weekend a friend came to visit, and we went to visit another friend who has moved into the general area. He's leading worship and really thriving, so visiting him and getting to experience what he's doing first hand was a really amazing experience. So, things are well.

Over the last several weeks I've been asked to do some teaching on lent. I've heard people claim disappointment in missing it, so I thought I would share some of those thoughts in an abbreviated form (although sorry, it's still going to be quite long). While I realize that they may have simply been being cordial, it does seem to be an itch that people I have been in contact with want scratched, so here we go.

Christianity began as a movement. Like most any movement that exists for a while it begins to become institutionalized in some way, shape, or form. But, even before that happens it begins to develop practices. The Christian tradition inherited practices from Judaism from which it emerged - things like prayer, fasting, study of scripture, tithing, worship, etc. One of the practices it inherited/developed was the arranging of time in such a way to keep us grounded in the things that really matter, the things of God, because if we're not careful we can easily let ourselves become too busy to live in an awareness of the things that matter most. For the Jewish people this was done through seasonal festivals (think passover), prayers (think temple prayer times), and fasting. The first Christians (who were Jewish) lived in these rhythms, and through faith in Jesus, they began to develop them to take on new meaning in coordination with their new faith. It's a sort of way of going beyond simply reading the scriptures and living into them. So, around this idea has developed the idea of the liturgical year. In more traditional denominations you'll notice a change of colors in the worship space as the year progresses, they are symbols of the season in which we find ourselves. This year begins with Advent, the time before Christmas, where we prepare for the coming of Christ. This leads into Epiphany, the season of light. Then comes Lent.

The word comes from the Latin for long. Generally it is the forty days leading up to Easter. Different denominations celebrate lent differently. Some simply go the forty days leading up to Easter while others do forty days not including Sundays leading up to Easter (because Sundays are considered little Easter's because it is the day on which Jesus arose). This is a time of contemplation and reflection. It is a time of preparation and repentance, where we wrestle with the dark things deep inside of ourselves - fears, sins, anxieties, addictions, etc. - and prepare for the time of crucifixion and resurrection. It begins with Ash Wednesday and is also a time of our wrestling with our own mortality. A common practice during this time is that of fasting and/or abstaining. The hope is that through giving up something we find a greater understanding of ourself as well as a fresh relationship with God. Some people go all out and actually fast (do not eat) for this period, while others give up something they enjoy (television, chocolate, meat, etc). Hopefully, through giving up something you depend upon you discover a greater reliance upon God to provide as well as a deeper trust that God will do so. It is an identification with various stories in the scriptures where people fasted for forty days. Moses did this on Mount Sinai before receiving the ten commandments, Elijah did this when fleeing from Jezebel prior to hearing the "still small voice", and upon Jesus' baptism he is led into the wilderness to be tempted. It is this story that becomes the central framing text for what the season of lent is about. And it really all revolves around one question, "Can God be trusted?"

Feel free to look the story up (Matthew 4), but for the sake of space I'm going to paraphrase. Jesus goes into the wilderness and fasts for forty days, and quite obviously he is hungry. It is in this moment that Satan appears tempting him to turn stones into bread. And he opens this temptation up with some form of if you are the Son of God, then you could. Now there are three temptations that take place - turning stones to bread, throwing himself off the temple, and bowing down to satan - however underneath the surface there are really all kinds of temptations happening here (as most of our temptations are a mix of a lot of different things). One of the things going on here is the temptation for Jesus to prove himself - to himself, to those in whom proving himself would most advance his cause/purpose/calling/career, and to the world. First he could be wanting to prove himself to himself. In the scriptures he has not yet done any miracles. Here is a private environment where he could test out his powers (how embarrassing to get in public and the miracles not be working). Remember when he was baptized there was a voice from heaven declaring his identity, but will he trust it? Second, if he jumps from the temple, it will prove to the religious establishment who he is, thus making his job much easier. And third, he could prove to the world who he is, thus fulfilling the every knee, every tongue thing. Now, I think we can all relate to this in that we all want to prove ourselves and believe that in doing so we will find self worth. But, there's also much more going on here.

In response to every temptation Jesus quotes the book of Deuteronomy. This is Moses' final farewell address to the Hebrew people before he dies and they enter the promised land. Each one of these quotes is a reference to a way in which the Hebrew people failed while wandering in the wilderness for forty (there's that number again) years. Jesus' response to the temptation of turning stones into bread is a reference to God's giving the Hebrew people manna from heaven. His response to the temple temptation is a reference to the event of the water from the rock at Massah and Miribah. And, his response to bowing to Satan is possibly a reference to both the golden calf incident and/or the turning to other Gods once in the promised land. So, there is this sense that Jesus, if he overcomes these temptations, is succeeding where his ancestors did not. But wait, there's more.

Some people claim that all of our temptations fall into one of the categories that each of these temptations create. And they all revolve around the question, can God be trusted. The first question is, "Can God be trusted to provide for my needs?" I feel like this is an extremely relevant question in this day and age, with unemployment and the economy the way they are. Jesus has been in the wilderness (most likely desert) for forty days. He's hungry. And up till now, God has not provided. Will he now take matters into his own hands, or will he continue to trust that God will provide? I imagine thoughts going through his head like, "if God really loved me He wouldn't put me in this situation," or, "if God were going to provide it would have happened by now." But, Jesus sees through the lie, and sees that it is in God that we find life.
The Second temptation is that of presuming upon God. Usually when we do this we use phrases like, "God always," or, "God would never." It the think fast situation where someone throws something valuable and makes you catch it. It's the tail wagging the dog. It's the kid that prays for the grade when he hasn't studied, but puts God on the spot in his prayer talking about how he would be a bad witness if he got a bad grade. It's that question of can God be trusted or do I have to force/trick/manipulate God into doing what I want so that things turn out o.k.? Again, Jesus does not fall for the lie. God will not be manipulated, and we are not to put God to the test.
The third temptation is to go about the right thing by the wrong means. Satan shows Jesus all the kingdoms of the world and says that he will give Jesus all authority if Jesus will only bow down to him. Now, the book of Matthew ends with Jesus' great commission. But, the great commission begins with Jesus saying, "all authority on heaven and earth has been given to me." (Matthew 28) So, Satan is offering to give Jesus the thing for which he came and to get it more quickly and easily. It's the temptation of the shortcut, to achieve the thing to which God called you, but to go about it the wrong way. The question is, "Can God be trusted to carry out what God has called me to do?" It reminds me of when David spared Saul's life in the cave despite the fact that the circumstances seemed to indicate that God had given Saul over to David to be killed. But, David knows that God commands against killing the anointed king. The simple fact of the matter is that when we go about achieving the purposes of God, but don't go about doing so by God's ways we put the calling above the one who called us. It is a form of worshiping something other than God. And Jesus sees through that lie as well and responds with worship and serve only God.

And so that is the point of Lent. To identify with the temptations of Jesus, to wrestle with our own mortality and the things that lie within us. To go through a process of self-examination where we wrestle with all the ways we are tempted to put our trust in our own ways of taking our lives in our own hands, providing for ourselves, advancing our careers, and fulfilling our callings. It's a time where we prepare for a kind of death as we get ready to examine the cross, and we make ourselves ready to embrace a new life that comes with the death of self as we celebrate the resurrection.
For more information on a brief history of the church and how it has developed I would recommend Phyllis Tickle's The Great Emergence, and for more on fasting I would recommend Scott McKnight's book in the ancient practices series aptly titled Fasting.

Disney and Disciplines

Well, last weekend Katie's parents took us to Disney World. It was a lot of fun, especially watching Cari as she's now beginning to get to being old enough to kind of get it. She loves the Dumbo ride, the Teacups, and Small World. But, we all had a great (exhausting) time. Cari not only got to ride her favorite rides, but also met Bolt, Snow White, Cinderella, and Belle. So, all in all fun weekend. Also, it looks like I'm going to have the opportunity to work at the Circle of Care doing some different teachings. It will only be part time, but I'm enjoying getting my feet wet and looking forward to what lies ahead. And, now, on to the other stuff.

First a quick word about a book I recently read. The Blue Parakeet by Scott McKnight is a book about how we read and live out the bible. I had heard the name, but never read anything by McKnight. Much of it was review for me, but it is so well written that it was a joy to read. It is a fast read, he has some incredible insights about tendencies in reading the bible and the best way to go about reading the scriptures. It's the type of book that anyone who asks me how the bible should be read I would recommend this book. Fantastic!

Second, since I'm not having to concern myself with church duties, I'm enjoying some of the thinking I'm getting to do without being consumed with that stuff. Some of this revolves around churches, how they function or dysfunction, what it could be, etc. One of the things that I've been exploring is spiritual formation. Much of "church" revolves around institutional support - paying bills, receiving tithes, etc. Much of this relies upon keeping people coming or getting new people to attend. Without having to spend time on church techniques, I find myself getting to explore more the realm of spiritual development and formation. I'm fascinated with the last several years of information intake that I've been doing. Constantly having a message looming upon the horizon gave me a sense of a need to constantly be bringing in new information to share. Now I look back and wonder how much of the information has really sat with me, stuck and brought change. I see that I am quite different than I was when we last lived here. Some of that is due to experiences, some is due to things I've learned. Some of the ways I've changed I think are good, others may not be. I'm enjoying the opportunity to let insights and information marinate as I shared before. I'm enjoying sitting with concepts, ideas, and passages, and as opposed to moving on letting them take root within and hopefully bring transformation and growth that would not otherwise occur. But, I'm also becoming fascinated, and have been for a little while, with spiritual disciplines. I believe that these help shape and form us, and for the most part, since these things being done on a personal level don't really help further institutional needs, they get hijacked for the church or ignored. There is a group who is putting out a series of books on spiritual disciplines called The Ancient Practices Series. I believe Phyllis Tickle is the mastermind behind it all. Brian McLaren wrote the first one which was an introduction that I read I believe last summer. I'm now reading one of fasting which was also written by Scot Mcknight. It's very insightful. He does a great job of looking at cultural and sociological dysfunctions that have led to misunderstandings and misuses in fasting. I'm thoroughly enjoying the book. I'm really hoping during this time to move from a place of knowing a lot of stuff about God to once again really connecting with God, knowing God personally on deeper levels. My hope is that letting some things marinate, and engaging in some spiritual disciplines will aid in that endeavor.

Snow, Vineyards, and Stones (oh my)

Believe it or not, it actually snowed!! Yes, in Alabama. It happens on occasion, but most of the time they threaten snow, then nothing happens. Even when something does happen it's not enough to actually stick, or it's only a light dusting that only lasts till the sun rises. But not this one, oh no. This amazing miraculous phenomenon occurred mid day in broad daylight. Two days before it was sunny and 70 degrees. The day before it was warm and rainy. Snow began in the morning, but was chased by rain midmorning removing any accumulation on random things like trampolines. We thought it was over, all hope was lost, but then as we ate lunch it began again. Only this time it snowed harder, and the temperature continued to get colder. Over the course of about an hour and a half we watched a couple inches of the beautiful white stuff accumulate not just on trampoline mats and plastic chairs, oh no, actually on the ground. And it was the good snow. You know the stuff, the kind that is perfect for packing into snowballs or rolling for snowmen. It was quite unbelievable. Now it's the following weekend and once again in the 70's. Alabama global warming weather, you just gotta love it. You never know what to expect. It had been ten years ago we would have blamed it on El Nino. Now, on to thoughts.

I recently finished a book by Brad Young - Jesus the Jewish Theologian. It's an interesting book that looks at Jesus through the lens of the jewish theology of his day. This type of work should have been going on for millennia, but with Christianity's distancing of itself from Judaism long ago we have robbed ourselves of this type of work. It brings new layers of depth and insight into the life and teachings of Jesus. I have been fascinated with this type of perspective for quite a while, and I had already read one of Brad Young's book on Jesus' Parables. So, some of this book was repetition and reinforcement. But, I did want to share an insight from one of his chapters.

In one chapter he discusses the parable of The Tenant Farmers, which he says should be called the parable of The Only Son. You may be familiar with the story. There are these tenant farmers who are working for an absentee landlord (a common practice of the day). When it's time the landlord sends servants to collect his portion, but the farmers beat them up. Then the landlord decides to send his only son, thinking surely they'll respect him. They see it's the only son, who would be heir to the property and think, we'll kill him, then when the landlord dies we'll get the property to ourselves. Then Jesus finishes the parable with a statement about the stone the builders rejected being the cornerstone and how it will smash anyone it falls upon and anyone who falls on it will shatter. Now, I've always understood this parable as having something to do with a rejection of the religious leaders of Jesus' day, but that was because of the focus (on the tenant farmers and the property). And, quite honestly I never really got the whole thing about the cornerstone, just that it somehow represented Jesus who is the foundation or cornerstone of our faith. But, Brad Young puts it into a context.

First, Jesus is moving toward his crucifixion. Second, there is a context to the parable. First Jesus is quoting Psalm 118 (the stone the builders rejected has become the cornerstone. The rabbis believed this referred to King David who was rejected by his father Jesse as well as Samuel at first, but then went on to become King and cornerstone of the kingdom. Then, there was also actually already a parable that the rabbis told about a stone and pots. How if a stone falls on a pot it will break the pot, but if a pot falls on the stone it will also break the pot. This parable was about the Hebrew people, saying that no matter what happened to them they would continue to survive regardless of attack.

So, Jesus tells this parable about the only son, who is killed. But, then he attaches these sayings about being rejected and yet surviving. Jesus in this parable may actually be referring to himself, the only son, the cornerstone (reference to himself as son of David) who would be rejected, referring to his crucifixion (the only son is killed), and referring to his resurrection, because despite being killed he will still survive (no matter what happens to him he will survive - the stone falling on and smashing and things falling on it being shattered.) I found that insightful and quite brilliant. So I thought I would share. But, Zoe's crying so I'll try to edit and make it a little more coherent later.

Marination

First an update. Mom came down this weekend, so we got to spend some time with her which was nice. We used the opportunity to visit Church of the Highlands in Auburn which was good. Now I sit with a sick little girl. Cari has not felt well and has been running a fever, but beyond that there are no real symptoms. So we're treating her with a little tylenol and lots of fluids and love. Now on to thoughts.

I love to learn. I think I'm addicted to information. We live in an information age, where you can find out anything you want to know by simply going online. Just Google It. That should be their new slogan, but it would probably infringe on Nike copyrights. Anyway, I love to hear messages from people where some sort of new insight is going to be brought. I'm always wanting to learn something new. I'm constantly on the lookout either in a message, a book, or wherever I can find it. But, it raises a question. How much really absorbs and becomes transformative when you encounter so much?

I feel like I get a lot of information that only goes surface deep. We need to find ways to sit with insights and let them penetrate a little deeper. It's kind of like a good steak. You can put the marinade on there, but if it doesn't have time to sit it doesn't really penetrate and fill the entire steak with the flavor. A little marinating makes all the difference, so it is with good insights. If we move on from them too quickly they don't stick with us, flavor our lives, and transform us. Which brings me back to the parable of the Good Samaritan.

I don't know why, but the parable of the Good Samaritan has really been sticking with me, kind of marinating. Rob Bell spoke on it I guess about a year or so ago, and when I shared about this parable recently many of the insights came from him. Then it was a central text at the COH service we went to, and a phrase really began to stick out to me, "when he saw him". The text tells us that the Priest, the Levite, and the Samaritan saw the man. All of them saw him, and yet the Samaritan saw something different, he saw him with different eyes. And it raises the question, "what do you see?" Hurt people hurt people. When someone is hurting, when someone hurts you, when you're cut off in traffic, when someone annoys or offends you, what do you see? Do you see someone who is hurting and needs compassion, or do you simply see a jerk that you want to attack back at?

I think the Priest and Levite saw the threat of becoming unclean or a hindrance that would make them run late in their busy schedule, whereas the Samaritan saw a person who was hurting and in need. I read a while back that when we objectify others it actually makes us less human, less of what God intended when He created us. Likewise, when we see other people as human we become more human, we become more like what God intended when He created us. The eyes you see with makes all the difference. We tend to think that the more information we're exposed to the more clearly we'll see, but it is kind of the dilemma between knowledge and understanding. We can know all sorts of things about God and yet not have an actual relationship with God, not actually love God.

The difference, that moves us from where we are to where we need to be may lie in changing our eyes, and changing our eyes might just lie not in acquiring more knowledge, but in letting the information we have marinate, sink deep into our hearts and transform us from the inside out. Maybe it begins with simple questions like, "what do you see?"